Where are you going?
What path are you on?
Where does it go?
When and how are you going to get there?
Do you NEED to know where it goes?
How much anxiety are these questions bringing up for you right now? How worried are you that you don’t have the “right” answers? How much energy do you put into trying to figure it all out?
So often in my practice, I hear people struggling with these very questions; especially if they’re debating how, when, and where to express their gender identity. I think this is a universal experience, yet, the process of transitioning and embarking on a life lived congruently brings this into especially sharp focus.
It’s not really my thing to tell people what to do, or how to think. Rather, I’ll offer a perspective for you to consider if you’re struggling with these questions.
I say you don’t need to know where it goes, or when and how you’re going to get wherever it is you want to get in life. I think trying to work so hard to figure it out can sometimes be more harmful than helpful. What I know is that it’s great to have an idea of where we’d like to go in life, what we’d like to accomplish. But to try to predict with absolute CERTAINTY where we’re going, and how and when we’ll get there, is in my estimation a waste of time. Because often times we can’t predict this with certainty; let me tell you why.
The thing is, when we’re changing our lives in some way, we can’t POSSIBLY know EXACTLY where this path will lead us. We have some vague idea, but we can’t fully know how it’s going to turn out. How could we? We haven’t been there yet. And, because experiences are always changing us in some way, we’re not the person we’re going to become when we get there. So, if we haven’t been there yet, and we’re not who we’re going to become, how could we possibly know with any certainty how it’s all going to unfold?
Did I lose you there? I hope not, but in case I did, read on, hopefully this will clarify my point.
Because we’re embarking on that change right now; with all the knowledge we have at THIS moment. When we take some steps in a certain direction, then, we learn some MORE. We know more about our world, we know more ourselves, we know more about how we relate to the people around us. From that vantage point, we can see different opportunities, and have different wisdom than we could have possibly had when we started. And when we know more, we tend to be more self-aware and confident, which is always a good thing.
So, just take the first few steps. And be ok with not knowing exactly where you’re headed. You don’t fully know yet where you’re going, and that’s okay. It’s more than okay actually, it’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to happen. Because if every single thing was totally predictable, would it really be living? Or would it just be existing?